Feed my Sheep - a meditation on Peter

(This was inspired by my Daily Devotions this morning, which included John 21:16)

"Feed my Sheep." That's what he told me. My life has been devoted to that command ever since.

I was hurt. I was confused. I was getting angry. There he was, the Master, the one who I had followed faithfully through, well, almost everything. As we sat there on the beach, he asked me if I loved him. How could I not? How could he not tell? Hadn't I been with him all through the good times and the bad?

Then I realised. That dreadful night when they arrested him; my attempt to mingle with the crowd; my denial of him. At that dark time I hadn't been with him; I had been trying to save my own skin by pretending I wasn't one of his followers. He had good reason to question me. I have never forgotten since how I failed him, that night in the courtyard when all looked lost.

So I have tried to feed his sheep. I have tried to help others understand what I saw - that Jesus was indeed the Christ, that he did die, and that he rose again. It's not been easy; even those with us at the time disagree on what they saw, what was said, what happened after. I haven't always got it right either - more than a few times I've had to be put back on the right track.

"Feed my sheep." I have tried, and some might say I have succeeded - after all, there's a lot more of us now. More to feed, but also more to do the feeding. Sometimes I wonder if they realise what an important task they have taken on. It's been hard enough for me, and I learnt from Jesus first hand - how much harder it is for those who never met him!

"Feed my sheep." I have tried Master, weak though I am. Now help me to keep on going, to keep on feeding, and to not lose sight of your command....

First Service

My first service at Clayton was last Sunday Morning, and from the reaction afterwards it seems to have gone OK, maybe even quite well. I was a little more nervous than normal, but then again this was my first appointment in the Circuit where I should be for the next five years.

Every church does things slightly differently, and so there were a few things to remember for the future: when the notices are for example, when any young people leave, that sort of thing.

While preparing, I realised in part what a difference my ongoing theological education is making. Once upon a time I would have looked at the readings, had a look at the Desperate Preachers site to see what others thought, and then had a think and pray. This time, being able to do this as part of my work and not just in a couple of evenings, I took down the Commentary that has been sporadically used over the last ten years and had a look... only to discover that I wasn't entirely satisfied with it. It didn't feel like there was enough depth, enough discussion of viewpoints other than that of the authors, or things to follow up on. This isn't to say that the commentary was useless - more that, after a couple of Biblical Studies modules as part of my course, a single volume covering the whole Bible isn't capable of providing the depth I am used to.

I have some academic commentaries already, but high on the priority list in terms of buying books will be making sure that I can at least cover the Gospels, major Epistles and some of the more used Old Testament books. The Luther King House Library may be just down the road at the moment, but it won't be that way forever!

A little project

"Have you got a Cross for your study?" The question came from someone from my old church, and it took me aback a little. I haven't, and hadn't really considered whether there should be. Given though that it's going to be somewhere I'm spending significant amounts of time working on sermons, assignments and other parts of my work on reflection I decided I should.

Rather than buy one though, I thought I'd try and get a bit creative. So on a short break in North Wales I did a bit of beach-combing and came back with some bits of driftwood and a small bit of slate. It is my intention to turn these into something for the study.

The Cross is of course central to the Christian Message, and when you look around you see plenty of them - whether worn as jewelry, hanging on the side of a church illuminated for all to see, or even in a study somewhere. Mine will not exactly win awards for design, but maybe it will capture something else: the discarded and unwanted pieces of detritus, combined and put together with care, becoming a symbol of the love of Christ.

All I've got to do now is make it.....

What's a Presbyter?

Another thing from the Welcome Service: overheard behind me, somewhere in the congregation, "What's a Presbyter?" This was because it was announced that there were two student ministers, myself (a Presbyter) and someone else (a Deacon).

In some ways this highlights some of the issues with ministry. I am a Student Minister. I am also a Student Presbyter. The Presbyter part indicates that I am going to be one of the Ministers that will preach the Gospel, declare God's forgiveness to the penitent, baptize, confirm, preside at Communion, lead God's people in worship, prayer and service, minister Christ's Love and compassion, and serve others. At least, that's what it says in the Ordination Service, and in the Methodist Church report "What is a Presbyter".

To some, the confusion may start here. Isn't that what a Minister is? Historically yes, but this isn't the only form of ordained ministry in Methodism; we also have Deacons. Deacons have a somewhat different focus and set of responsibilities; they are also part of a Religious Order. This page from the Order's own website explains better than I can what a Deacon means; or at least in the Methodist Church. (That's another problem by the way; virtually all denominations have their own definition of what a Deacon is, should they have them at all!)

So both Presbyters and Deacons are Ordained Ministers. This is important to remember; something that frequently irks Deacons (or occasionally people like me who know Deacons and Student Deacons) is when someone refers to "Ministers and Deacons" - it somehow implies that they aren't actually ministers, when in fact they have a different type of ministry. The page from the Diaconal Order mentions the confusion, and in some ways it's not surprising when even the Methodist Church Website seems to list "Ministers" and "Deacons" in seperate sections - look at this page!

Ah well, back to work....

Welcome Home?

Last Sunday night saw the Welcome Service for all of us starting in the Manchester Circuit this year - I am one of four people, including another Student Minister who have taken post. The Preacher started off by talking about his own experiences of moving to a new Manse, in particular a tale of a cooker that he was assured was in terrific condition despite having been in storage for several years; his appetite for using it though took a nosedive when two (cooked!) slices of Bacon were found to be still in the grill pan....

There haven't been any horror stories of that variety in our own move, for which plenty of credit has to go to people in Manchester; but of course there have been some interesting moments.

This was in a way our first major move. Previously we'd mostly been moving somewhere close by, with an overlap allowing us to ferry things back and forth; this time, we had to pack everything ready to be loaded into a lorry and then unpack at the other end. Suffice to say that, three weeks later, there are still boxes waiting to be unpacked and a few things that seem to have disappeared.

Then there were the wardrobes. We had a couple of self-assembled wardrobes that looked like they would fit nicely into the Manse; however, as it turned out we'd put them together a little too well, and unless we removed the banisters then they weren't leaving the house. In fact, at the moment I should really be assembling the new one that's just arrived....

Then there was the fact that we had to clean and fix up the other house as we've had to rent it out. With a few shenanigans on that front (having to replace a baluster broken during the move, and laying some new lino in the bathroom having torn what was there before by accident for example) it hardly seemed we had time to even start getting organised.

There's been plenty to be thankful for however. Friends from our old church have come and helped unpack, put furniture together and the like; people that are already on the way to becoming friends have made sure the Manse was clean and decorated before we arrived, and even provided the means to have a cup of tea on arrival! We are gradually emerging from the chaos, and gradually turning this into our home. It's been stressful and still is to be honest, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and a lovely new home too.

Meetings, Meetings, Meetings

It's sometimes said that one of the things that marks out Methodists is our meetings - specifically the number of them. Given that tonight I will be going to my third meeting in two days - and that one of those was an all-dayer - there may be some truth to that. However, it's not necessarily as bad as it may sound.

Back in the world of IT, meetings were simply part of the job. It did depend on my role, but certainly for management it seemed that whole days spent attending or preparing for meetings were just what it was all about. "Lonely? Bored? Don't know what to do? Hold a meeting!" said one ironic poster I saw a few years ago, and believe me there were times that it seemed to be just that. Meanwhile the meetings I have had so far have been useful, have allowed me to meet my colleagues, have provided plenty of useful information and food for thought.... there's nothing wrong with meetings so long as they are useful, and that they're not allowed to get out of control or last too long.

There's now a plan of action for the next couple of weeks, and plenty of people to contact as part of that - there's a few things to work out too, but for the moment I feel I at least I know where to start!

Welcome to the Blog

Well, I suppose it was about time I had my own Blog, so here goes....

First of all, a bit about myself. I'm Rob, and I'm currently training to be a Methodist Minister in Manchester, UK. I'm in my mid 30s, married, and have two young children. Until recently I was in IT Support for a major multinational in the North-West, but now I have the opportunity to train part time and work as a Minister part time - so we've moved lock stock and barrel to Manchester!

I've decided to blog about my experiences partly in case anyone finds it interesting, and partly to provide myself with something I can go back to. I have never been someone to keep a diary, so how long this will last is anybodies guess. My aim is however to include my own observations and reflections on what goes on, as much as is OK to make public anyway, and also include any bits of meditation or creative writing from time to time. You will also be subjected to my own particular brand of humour, so be warned!

1st September is the start of the Methodist Year, so today has officially been my first day. In fact, we moved about two weeks ago (more about that later possibly) and have spent some time trying to get organised. Trying is the operative word here - I am not exactly a model of efficiency and if it wasn't for my other half I suspect I would still have been surrounded by boxes with just the computer unpacked.... I have learnt a few things already however.

1) When examining the contents of Filing Cabinets left by your predecessor, do not pile said contents on top of the cabinet. Once you have emptied a couple of drawers-worth out, it has a tendency to cascade down on your head.

2) When surrounded by paperwork that has just cascaded down around you, do not look for sympathy from you partner, who once assured that serious injury has not resulted will be helpless with laughter.

3) A house is not your home until you have what is important to you the way you want it. This may be in terms of furniture, pictures, ornaments, or having a working Dishwasher - but it matters. Seriously.

4) People will invariably offer advice. Listen to it, consider it, and then decide what parts of it you wish to accept. Bear in mind that all advice is well-meant, and is often from people who have experience of where you may be - but that at the same time your situation is not the same as anyone else.

5) Always be prepared to turn down requests if you have good reasons - just make sure your reasons are good ones!